Victorian Matrimonial Advertisements

The Wedding

I've been reading an article called "The Advertising System" from the Edinburgh Review (February 1843). The author's general complaint is that folks resort to all kinds of gimmicks, scams, and untruths to sell their products. Then he turns to matrimonial ads and, once again, Victorian England becomes totally fascinating from an anthropological perspective. Check it out:


'WANTED --A Young Lady, about 17 or 21 years of age, as a wife. She must be well acquainted with the necessary accomplishments of such; she must understand washing and ironing, baking bread, making good coffee, roasting beef, veal, &c., boiling a fowl, broiling a fish, making tarts, plum-puddings, and desserts of all kinds, preserving fruits and pickles, expert with the needle, keeping a clean and snug house; must know reading, writing, and arithmetic; never been in the habit of attending the ball-rooms; she must have been taught true and genuine principles of religion, and a member in a Church of good standing. She must not be addicted to making too free use of her tongue, such as repeating any report that is injurious to her neighbour; or using any taunting language to any person about her house. Any lady finding herself in possession of the above accomplishments, will please address to ALPHONSO. It will not be required that she should exercise all those requisites unless a change in fortune should take place, at which time it will be necessary, in order to live with such economy as to prevent a trespass on our friends, whose frowns and caprices we otherwise must endure, which every man of noble mind will despise. At present, she shall have a coach and four at her command, servants in abundance, a house furnished in the first modern style; shall always be treated with that tender affection which female delicacy requires, and nothing shall be wanting that will be necessary to contribute to her happiness.'

So let me get this straight: the young lady needs to be capable of drudgery in the off-chance that Alphonso loses his estate? And if his fortunes do go down the drain, does the tender affection that female delicacy requires go with them?


'RUN AWAY FROM PATRICK M'DALLAGH.-- Whereas my Wife, Mrs Bridget M'Dallagh, is again walked away with herself, and left me with her four small children, and her poor old blind mother, and nobody else to look after house and home, and, I hear, has taken up with Tim Guigan, the lame fiddler--the same that was put in the stocks last Easter for stealing Barday Doody's gamecock. --This is to give notice, that I will not pay for bite or sup on her, or his account to man or mortal, and that she had better never show the marks of her ten toes near my home again. PATRICK M'DALLAGH.
N.B. --Tim had better keep out of my sight.'

I'm so curious about the lame fiddler who steals gamecocks on Easter Sunday. Whatever did Bridget see in him?

'To be SOLD for Five Shillings, my WIFE JANE HEBBAND. She is stoutly built, stands firm on her posterns, and is sound wind and limb. She can sow and reap, hold a plough and drive a team, and would answer any stout able man that can hold a tight rein, for she is damned hardmouthed and headstrong; but, if properly managed, would either lead or drive as tame as a rabbit. She now and then, if not watched, will make a false step. Her husband parts with her because she is too much for him. --Enquire of the printer.
N.B. --All her body clothes will be given with her.'

I've been trying to come up with a comment about this one for the past eight hours. I think the ad pretty much says it all.